My Martha

Treat your husband like a stranger. What do I mean by that?

Of course, being emotionally detached from your husband is not what I am advocating for here.

This kind of advice would be counterproductive!

By asking you to consider your husband as a stranger, I am simply suggesting this:

Be kind to him.

Have you ever stopped to reflect on how, effortlessly, husband and wife yell at each other, sometimes at the slightest disagreement?

You wouldn’t dare speak like that to a stranger in the street!

With someone you don’t know, you will always be so polite and urban.

But look at the words that come out of your mouth when talking back to your husband!

It is so scary. Why will you treat your dear one with so much aggressiveness?

I know, this is easily understandable: you are comfortable with your husband, and you are not afraid to show yourself to him as you are.

Some studies confirm that children are better behaved when their parents are away. They only throw tantrums when their parents are around!  And it is because children feel comfortable with their parents!

No wonder, the same attitude prevails between husband and wife. After all, you have seen each other without any clothes on, so what is there to be afraid of again?

Communicating with grown children or adult siblings

Even with your adult children, you refrain from losing your temper and you don’t yell at them anymore.

I remember this one time I was mad at my adult daughter because she kept my car all day long. I couldn’t run my own errands, but I supported her because I knew she needed it.

I was waiting for her to return it in the evening, but she casually called to tell me that she was going out with some friends, and she will do so with my car. Seriously?  I needed my car; I was kind enough to let her have it for the whole day, but I also had some shopping to do!

I lashed out at her for the very first time and I regretted it bitterly. First, it was uncalled for and second, she was not wrong to assume that I did not need the car, because I hardly go out at night. I could have explained the situation to her calmly, but I didn’t, and this flaring out caused a rift in our relationship for a very long time.

Now, I am on my best behavior with my adult daughters, communication wise, and I keep the same good attitude with my sisters: when I don’t agree with them, I never raise my voice. And I make sure to not offend them by being too blunt.

But sadly, I don’t extend such grace to my husband.

It is very wrong really.

Why not offer the same courtesy to your husband? This will surely go a long way in improving spouses interactions!

Dr Emerson Eggerichs: Love & Respect

I am reading Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book, Love & Respect. The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs, and his book is full of marriage communication tips and much more.

I am not finished with it yet (it is certainly a topic I will like to discuss further in the future) but I like the way he takes himself and his wife as an example to show that even if you are a Christian Pastor, you still must do the work for your relationship to flourish, even after 5 years, 10 years, 20 years and even 30 years!

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs says that he chooses to believe that his wife loves and respects him, and this attitude has saved them from constant bickering.

Can you believe that his wife has been giving him peppered eggs for breakfast for more than 50 years even if he had told her countless time that he doesn’t like pepper on his eggs! But instead of flaring up each morning, he recalls that this is the way she learned to cook it, and peppering the eggs is a gesture on autopilot. She isn’t even aware she is doing it at this point.

Some of you may see some passive-aggressive attitude in the wife unwillingness to ditch the pepper but I like the response the husband is giving to this.

The husband chooses to answer with love instead of the anger many men would have reacted with!

This month relationship challenge

Women are also guilty of poor reactions!

So, this month, my challenge will be to not raise my voice with my husband.

I think I should be able to do this: there are many things he does that annoy me, but also many endearing things that I should focus on instead. For example, he will bring me biscuits or chocolate or even fried fish when he goes out and I rarely reciprocate because I am selfish like that!

But I am working on it!

And you? What do you do to keep the conversation civil? Are you willing to treat your husband as a stranger? Let me know in the comments.